take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
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