I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Randomize
