if you like me you must not know who I am
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Jerry, you need to find god
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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