I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
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