They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
