He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
