dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
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