I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Green mimosas i think yes
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize