New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
