just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
