I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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