i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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