SEEEEXXX PLEASE
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
