We won't sleep together?
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
