Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
