He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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