He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
