I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
