found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
