Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
