I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
