I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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