I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
