I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
