I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
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