Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
