Barsexuality is the new black.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
