youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
