no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
