Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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