I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize
