Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
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