How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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