the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
