whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
