i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
not ubering you a puppy
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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