you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
There's always time for handjobs
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
