Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
