WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
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