omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
