Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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