and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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