I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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