So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
