he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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