She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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