when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
