oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
