I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
And then my night got REAL pukey
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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