singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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