I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
