Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
