Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
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