I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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