I'm jealous of your bromance
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
