3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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