areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
