She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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