So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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