if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Randomize
