Yo dont text me then not text me
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
