You're my little dorito
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Randomize
