I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
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