two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
