No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
