Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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