I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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