dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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