oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
