please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
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