Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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