New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
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