Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
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