His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
She bit a glass in half.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
