Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
