Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
