hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
