Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
