the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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